The Sound of Silence

When you’re living with a small child, there is no sound more terrifying than silence. More often than not, it signals an incoming disaster. Maybe they’re in the bathroom decorating the dog with your favorite makeup or shaving cream, or discovering what happens when you stick one end of the toilet paper roll in the bowl and then flush. They could be upstairs constructing a swing out of their favorite blankie and the ceiling fan. Or finally getting the chance to create their masterpiece on that giant blank canvas you call a hallway.

Not that any of those things have ever actually happened. I’m definitely not speaking from real-life experience.

Even among adults, silence can feel uncomfortable. We have a strong urge to fill empty space. We ask our students a question and, if they take more than a second or two to respond, we immediately jump in with options, tips, or strategies. Sometimes I’m busy and need to move the conversation along. Sometimes I offer choices because I worry they’ll feel discouraged if they don’t have the answer right away, or because I doubt their ability to come up with a solution on their own.

But silence can be an incredible tool for learning and growth. It creates space for creativity, deep thinking, and imagination. Recently, I’ve been challenging myself to embrace those awkward moments of silence with my little ones, and I’d like to challenge you to do the same. Ask a question and practice waiting for a response instead of supplying choices. Give them time to process and respond—you might be surprised by what they come up with.

One simple way to start is to count slowly to five in your head before speaking. (Remember doing “ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI” on the playground?) Then try asking, “Would you like more time to think, or do you need a hint or an idea?”

Throughout the day, ask open-ended questions, such as, “What do you think is going to happen?” “What does this remind you of?” or “How did that make you feel?” These kinds of questions invite your child to pause and think more deeply about what’s going on. Give yourself permission to sit with the awkward moments—and see what beauty comes out of them.