Covid is still here. The effects continue to drag on. Some effects have become mostly normal to us now. Others continue to surprise us. We might not be able to buy the Christmas presents we want? There’s still a shortage of new cars? We’ve stopped trying to imagine what’s next.

Some of these things are fairly unimportant or even silly, like signing a contact list at a 4H meeting. Some are simply inconvenient—I’d really like a built-in bookshelf in our house (homeschooling and books, right?!) but lumber is still too expensive to consider that project.

Others are clearly significant and difficult—masks, vaccine insecurity, financial difficulties, people around us—or maybe even our own households—getting sick. And certainly, in a school community as large as ours, there are those who have lost loved ones to Covid.

Under all the noise, there’s a very quiet effect of Covid sneaking around. There’s a level of stress that has settled over our lives that sometimes isn’t recognized. Do you feel it? It lingers in the unknowns, in the now almost constant changes that are all around us. There’s a lack of stability, because there’s uncertainty. Should I plan that vacation, or will there be another shutdown and I’ll lose the money? Is it safe to have a birthday party for my daughter? Can I let my son play on the play structure without risking the life of a fragile family member?

That instability has caused us to lose our “muscle memory” for daily life. Muscle memory is that ability to do things without thinking about them because you’ve done them a hundred times before and your muscles “remember” them. Muscle memory means that we can walk into the kitchen, get a glass, go to the fridge for ice and walk over to the sink for water, all while holding a conversation with somebody and never really think about what we were doing. It’s why we can run around quickly to get ready in the morning. Our mind and muscles know where everything is. When you are in a new place, your muscle memory doesn’t work so simple things take more concentrated thought and effort. It’s the reason why it seems to take more time to get ready in the morning when we travel—because it does!

Our culture and daily lives have shifted enough that we have lost our mental muscle memory. How we do errands, make plans, vacation, school our children, and much more has changed. It all takes more thought, more concentration. Things that didn’t require a decision before are now something to be thought through and evaluated. This takes up space in our minds and requires more energy from us.

My husband and I seem to be able to see this underlying stress in a unique way. We lived overseas for many years in a different culture. When you first live in a completely different culture, you are faced with such a barrage of information that your mind is overloaded. The different language swirling around you, the different architecture, road signs, food, shopping, and driving, often brings a new, heightened awareness of danger. Until your brain becomes accustomed to some of these things and allows them to fade into the background, it is utterly exhausting to try to process so much information all day long.

After a while, you get used to most of it. But you have to learn to live with a level of awareness that is more heightened than it is in your own culture. You walk into a room and have to evaluate—how do I greet these people? What’s appropriate in this situation? How do they celebrate holidays here? What do I do when my children are sick? This culture doesn’t plan more than a week or two ahead, so how do I make decisions for the future? Everything seems unpredictable and it’s exhausting to make so many decisions.

I find myself using those skills learned by living cross-culturally on almost a daily basis. When you walk into a room, you have to evaluate—who is here? Do I need a mask? Can I shake hands? Should I keep my distance? Can I talk about vaccines? We aren’t sanitizing our groceries anymore, but what about Christmas? Can we gather? The news keeps telling us that we are going to run out of presents to buy—but what if my kids want different things in December than they do in October?

When you are constantly re-evaluating and weighing options, there is a level of stress that never quite goes away. Wondering what the news will say tomorrow brings tension. We’ve had to learn to live a heightened awareness. It’s ok to feel tired—there’s a reason that you do.

Many of you have joined our schools because of Covid. Your child’s whole life has been rearranged because of this. That means your life has been rearranged, too. You’ve become aware of an entirely separate culture –Homeschooling. It has its own language, its own expectations, its own way of doing things.

Since March 2020, the only predictable thing has become unpredictability. That can all make us feel like we’re walking on shifting sand. That takes concentration, balance, and effort. In other words, it’s tiring. We often need extra rest, extra down time. We need to make sure that we have realistic expectations of ourselves and our children. We need to plan for those activities that fill us up. Make some things predictable in a world that keeps surprising us—small things that we can do for ourselves and our children. Through all of our transitions and travels, we always had Friday Night Movie Night with our kids, and I’ve always made the same breakfast on Sunday Mornings. Those things are now almost fiercely sacred to our kids. Continents, time zones, and houses may change, but our family, faith, and those little traditions have helped us anchor ourselves wherever we are.

What can you do to anchor yourself? How can you make some little part of your week predictable for your family?

The more we can expect the unexpected, the easier changes will be. Uncertainty is not something most Americans have been forced to live with, and that causes us great instability. Our peace cannot be based on the circumstances around us, because we have no control over them. The more we can roll with unpredictability, the less stress we will experience. We will become more resilient.

Mostly, I hope that after reading this, you will feel a little less “crazy.” A little less like something is wrong with you. That stress you feel but can’t name—it’s real. It’s not just your imagination it seems to require a little extra effort to just live. Give yourself a little extra time to get things done. A little extra time to rest and recover. Take a deep breath before reacting to your children. Our new normal doesn’t have to wear you down, but you will have to make a few adjustments to thrive.

Rebecca LaSavio

If you have comments or questions, I’d love to hear from you. rebecca.lasavio@sequoiagrove.org