I have a confession to make.

We don’t really have any family traditions for gratitude at our house. Yes, we thank God for our blessings, and we thank one another politely when we should, but we don’t have family traditions that focus on gratitude. I’ve had good intentions for years, but we all know where those lead…

I was reading recently that gratitude increases our self-esteem and resilience. I would add that active gratitude can also drastically affect our perspective in a positive way. When we look around the house and only see piles of laundry, crusty dishes on the table that someone was supposed to clear hours ago, and the list of schoolwork that isn’t done yet, we can feel decidedly un-grateful. We might miss that our kids haven’t been bickering today. That mess they made was because they were, in fact, playing happily together. If I can look around and thank those small humans genuinely for choosing to love one another well today, then it’s easier to tackle the mess calmly and positively. When I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed, it’s easy to start to blame others in my home for not carrying their weight. But in my tunnel vision, I miss opportunities to be grateful for what has been done.

When someone thanks me genuinely, I find myself filled with fresh energy to do even more. Imagine how much we could change attitudes in our house if we all expressed gratitude toward one another as often as we express frustration.

Resilience is something we all need in life. Lately, more than ever. If we can help our children find something to be genuinely grateful for in difficult circumstances--if we can create a habit in them of doing so--they will grow to have a perspective on hardships that will help them to better weather the difficulties that life brings. We can be genuinely thankful for sustenance even if we don't like the food. We can be truly grateful for quality medical care even when we experience sickness or injury.

How do we create these attitudes and outlooks in our families? We start by practicing them ourselves, and gently teach our children. You cannot force gratitude, but you can point out opportunities for it.

I have long thought about starting a gratitude jar in our home. Every day (or week—you decide), everyone in the family writes a couple of words about something they are grateful for and deposits it in the jar. Then, at Thanksgiving the following year, you can read them and remember and be grateful for all of the big and little things that blessed your life that year. As the habit is formed, family members will start to look for things they can be thankful for throughout the day.

I promise to get this jar going in my family and I’ll share pictures on Facebook. I would love it if you would share yours with me as well! It doesn’t have to be fancy to work, it just has to happen!

Another habit that I would like to get started is to have the kids regularly think of someone they can thank. Maybe it’s one another, or maybe it’s a friend who did something nice, a coach that they appreciate, a grandparent that did something special for them. But the next step is to actually thank them. Send a message, give them a call.

Basically, all of these ideas have the simple goal of helping us to look up from our daily grind and notice the things around us that are good. Not fake and surfacey, but real, genuine, someone-did-that-and-I-benefitted thankfulness. From beautiful sunsets, to rainy days, to hard work that brings in a paycheck, to putting away toys without being asked, there are things around us to be thankful for even when times are hard.

Let’s not miss the beauty of the small things that enrich our lives. All the little things add up if we take the time to notice.

-Rebecca LaSavio (rebecca.lasavio@sequoiagrove.org)